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Post by MattyJam on Nov 20, 2022 13:35:34 GMT
I wanted to start this thread for anyone who's lost somebody close to them and wants a safe space to talk about it with friends online.
Lisa Marie Presley recently wrote a great essay about grief, which was timed just perfect for me, as I read it on the day my mums cancer diagnosis turned terminal:
I lost my dear mum two weeks after LMP wrote her essay. My mum was 66. She was given 3-12 months at the end of August. By September 8th she had passed. My families life has changed irreversibly since her death. My son has lost his biggest champion (she adored him), my father has lost his wife of 50 years and I've lost the person I was closest to outside of my wife and son.
She is missed every single day. What LMP said about it feeling like the loneliest experience in the world is very on the mark. Please know, I'm doing okay, I'm just trying to open myself up and deal with it in a healthy way, which is in part why I wanted to start this thread. It's a hard thing to talk about with family, as even though my siblings and expecially my dad are going through exactly the same emotions, we all have good days and bad days and you don't want to drag them down if they're having a good day.
It's also very strange watching life carry on as if nothing happened, when you've had this cataclysmic life event that seemingly came out of nowhere and left you feeling distraught and bewildered in equal measures.
Please feel free to use this thread to share your own experiences and thoughts, past, present or future.
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Post by respect77 on Nov 20, 2022 13:51:26 GMT
My condolences, Matty.
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Post by butterflies2 on Nov 20, 2022 20:32:29 GMT
So sorry for your loss Matty
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Post by Deleted on Nov 20, 2022 21:50:55 GMT
Well done Matty, lovely idea for a thread.
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Post by electriceyes on Nov 20, 2022 23:31:48 GMT
I'm sorry about your mum Matty, may she RIP π
I lost my dad to a motorbike accident when I was 15. It was so sudden and shocking and it really messed me up at the time and for quite a few years afterwards.
Not to get too heavy, but I still think many of my issues with depression and anxiety stemmed from his unexpected passing. I do wonder if I'd been ten years older and if he'd died of cancer and I had opportunity to say goodbye etc then maybe it wouldn't have ripped me a new one quite as bad. Alas, I'll never know.
I still miss him and think of him every day and its almost been ten years now.
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Post by moonstreet on Nov 21, 2022 9:16:41 GMT
It's also very strange watching life carry on as if nothing happened, when you've had this cataclysmic life event that seemingly came out of nowhere and left you feeling distraught and bewildered in equal measures. This is the hardest part of grief. I remember leaving my flat in London the morning of June 26 to go meet the fans in central London. After being up all night on the forums and talking to my friends on the phone, we were in this Michael bubble of grief. To then go out and about, go on the tube and it was just a normal Friday morning in London, with everyone going to work or shopping , carrying on with normal life, while we were experiencing this deep soul destroying trauma was so very hard. It was the same when my dad died a few years later. Your world becomes this micro world of the trauma, but everyone around you is not part of this micro world. The first year after my died died was the hardest. One thing I found hard was that my dad was well known in the community and I would be out and about and people would stop me in the street and tell me about their grief and sadness about my dads death. No one ever asked how I was doing, everyone just offloaded their grief onto me.
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Post by MattyJam on Nov 21, 2022 11:16:42 GMT
Thanks moonstreet and electriceyes for sharing. moonstreet - I remember the day MJ died vividly. Talking of my mum, I remember her coming back from the supermarket on June 26th and saying "everyone's just doing their shopping like nothings happened. Don't they realise what we've lost?". She got it. She loved MJ. β€οΈ
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Post by MattyJam on Jan 20, 2023 21:15:47 GMT
Today my beautiful mum would've turned 67. Life is forever changed for us now she has gone, but she lives on through my siblings and I and her beloved grandchildren who she worshipped. Everyday I miss having her around and nobody can ever take her place. Mum, today on your birthday, wherever you are, I hope you are smiling, knowing how much you are still loved and missed by all of us. Xx β€οΈ
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TonyR
The Legend Continues
Posts: 8,413
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Post by TonyR on Jan 20, 2023 21:21:40 GMT
Today my beautiful mum would've turned 67. Life is forever changed for us now she has gone, but she lives on through my siblings and I and her beloved grandchildren who she worshipped. Everyday I miss having her around and nobody can ever take her place. Mum, today on your birthday, wherever you are, I hope you are smiling, knowing how much you are still loved and missed by all of us. Xx β€οΈ Thinking of you mate. Must have been a tough day.
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Post by MattyJam on Jan 20, 2023 21:33:31 GMT
^^ TonyR To be honest, no more so than any other day. I've never really understood why people latch onto anniversaries, birthdays etc of loved ones who've passed, as if it hurts more on those days than any other day. Everyone mourns differently, but I just like to use those significant dates like her birthday or the anniversary to raise a toast in her honour and pay some tributes online etc, more as an outward display of showing other people that she's not forgotten.
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Post by ghost on Jan 20, 2023 21:43:03 GMT
Who'd have thought when you posted that LMP essay Matty, that she too would be gone eight weeks later? Life is so unpredictable.
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TonyR
The Legend Continues
Posts: 8,413
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Post by TonyR on Jan 20, 2023 21:43:04 GMT
^^ TonyR To be honest, no more so than any other day. I've never really understood why people latch onto anniversaries, birthdays etc of loved ones who've passed, as if it hurts more on those days than any other day. Everyone mourns differently, but I just like to use those significant dates like her birthday or the anniversary to raise a toast in her honour and pay some tributes online etc, more as an outward display of showing other people that she's not forgotten. Smart lad.
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Post by rhinoskin on Feb 7, 2023 8:01:02 GMT
This would likely be a good a spot as any here to write why I've been gone for many moons - deaths of 4 people close to me. I haven't been taking it well, especially the last one. It wasn't even 3 weeks ago. Been a very rough last several months to say the least.
(I certainly did miss the lot of you though, hence I'm here)
I'm very sorry for your loss, @mattyjam.
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Post by MattyJam on Feb 7, 2023 8:16:08 GMT
This would likely be a good a spot as any here to write why I've been gone for many moons - deaths of 4 people close to me. I haven't been taking it well, especially the last one. It wasn't even 3 weeks ago. Been a very rough last several months to say the least. (I certainly did miss the lot of you though, hence I'm here) I'm very sorry for your loss, @mattyjam. Great to see you back. Feel free to reach out if you need someone (fairly) anonymous to talk to. It really sounds like you've been through the mill lately and I'm sorry to hear that.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 7, 2023 8:52:27 GMT
This would likely be a good a spot as any here to write why I've been gone for many moons - deaths of 4 people close to me. I haven't been taking it well, especially the last one. It wasn't even 3 weeks ago. Been a very rough last several months to say the least. (I certainly did miss the lot of you though, hence I'm here) I'm very sorry for your loss, @mattyjam. I'm very sorry for your loss, and sad to hear you have had such a rough time. My inbox is always open. Hope the next few days, weeks and months are good to you. Mind yourself.
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