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Post by Russg on Aug 3, 2022 9:20:07 GMT
Okay, this thread is a bit personal, but it's a nice anonymous place to have a discussion like this.
I have somebody from my past who really hurt me, shattered my self-esteem, self-worth and took great pleasure in making my life a complete misery for no other reason than because he could.
This all happened roughly 20yrs ago, but I'm still not over it. The rational side of me knows that I should've let go by now, but I still find myself agonising over it, and feel full of hatred for the individual who inflicted this upon me.
He's not in my life anymore, but I still see him on social media, living his life and he's never once apologised or even acknowledged what he did to me. He knows full well what he did to me, does he not have a conscience at all? I know it'll be a cold day in hell before he says sorry and he probably never will, but I hate that this still consumes me so much and I'm still allowing this person to have such a hold over me. But how can you truly forgive somebody who has caused you such immense suffering when they don't even care that they did that to you?
Has anyone else experienced something like this and did you manage to move on from it?
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Post by HIStoric on Aug 3, 2022 9:38:29 GMT
Hey man. Have you considered speaking to a therapist about this? Sadly it can be expensive, but if you find the right therapist it could really help.
In the interim, I'd probably block him across all social media. Yeah, your curiosity may try and get the best of you, but looking him up is doing nothing good for you. Also keep in mind that social media shows the 'highlight reel' of someones life, rarely do you see all the 'behind the scenes'. People will post when they're having a great time, but they're not going to posting when they're having a bleh time on their own y'know? So keep in mind his life might not be as sunshine and rainbows as he makes it seem online.
I'm not sure if I can be a big help, but perhaps you could google 'cant get over someone who hurt me years ago reddit' (or some variation for your particular situation) and see what comes up? Usually there's lots of Reddit threads of people who've been or are going through similar situations as you, and it's a great way to get perspective since people from all kinds of life respond in tow.
But yeah, something like this you might really benefit from talking out with a therapist.
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Post by Russg on Aug 3, 2022 9:56:23 GMT
Hey man. Have you considered speaking to a therapist about this? Sadly it can be expensive, but if you find the right therapist it could really help. In the interim, I'd probably block him across all social media. Yeah, your curiosity may try and get the best of you, but looking him up is doing nothing good for you. Also keep in mind that social media shows the 'highlight reel' of someones life, rarely do you see all the 'behind the scenes'. People will post when they're having a great time, but they're not going to posting when they're having a bleh time on their own y'know? So keep in mind his life might not be as sunshine and rainbows as he makes it seem online. I'm not sure if I can be a big help, but perhaps you could google 'cant get over someone who hurt me years ago reddit' (or some variation for your particular situation) and see what comes up? Usually there's lots of Reddit threads of people who've been or are going through similar situations as you, and it's a great way to get perspective since people from all kinds of life respond in tow. But yeah, something like this you might really benefit from talking out with a therapist. I have considered therapy, but it's just the money. It's good advice about doing a social media block. The trouble is, I always tell myself not to look, as it always makes me feel ten times worse, but I can't seem to help myself. I really need to get some self-discipline as everytime I think I'm over it, all it takes is one look at his profile page and it brings me right back to 20yrs ago.
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Post by MattyJam on Aug 3, 2022 11:55:12 GMT
In my experience, terms like "move on" and "closure" are just meaningless buzz words. You carry with you everything you experience in life, the good, the bad and the in-between. Hopefully you learn from it all and it shapes you into a kinder, more considerate person as time goes on.
In terms of being consumed by past traumas, I recommend doing everything in your power not to play the victim, not to dwell on the bad and have the power of mind to rise above and beyond the negative. I appreciate that is easier said than done, but I find it helpful to remember I'm just one person in a world of six billion and 100yrs from now none of us will still be here. Our time here is so fleeting and largely insignificant, so I use that to remind myself not to get too hung up on my own shit.
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Post by Russg on Aug 3, 2022 20:26:43 GMT
In my experience, terms like "move on" and "closure" are just meaningless buzz words. You carry with you everything you experience in life, the good, the bad and the in-between. Hopefully you learn from it all and it shapes you into a kinder, more considerate person as time goes on. In terms of being consumed by past traumas, I recommend doing everything in your power not to play the victim, not to dwell on the bad and have the power of mind to rise above and beyond the negative. I appreciate that is easier said than done, but I find it helpful to remember I'm just one person in a world of six billion and 100yrs from now none of us will still be here. Our time here is so fleeting and largely insignificant, so I use that to remind myself not to get too hung up on my own shit. That's no help whatsoever. What else you got?
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Post by MattyJam on Aug 4, 2022 6:23:51 GMT
In my experience, terms like "move on" and "closure" are just meaningless buzz words. You carry with you everything you experience in life, the good, the bad and the in-between. Hopefully you learn from it all and it shapes you into a kinder, more considerate person as time goes on. In terms of being consumed by past traumas, I recommend doing everything in your power not to play the victim, not to dwell on the bad and have the power of mind to rise above and beyond the negative. I appreciate that is easier said than done, but I find it helpful to remember I'm just one person in a world of six billion and 100yrs from now none of us will still be here. Our time here is so fleeting and largely insignificant, so I use that to remind myself not to get too hung up on my own shit. That's no help whatsoever. What else you got? Chewing tobacco?
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Post by butterflies2 on Aug 8, 2022 2:55:26 GMT
I blocked someone who hurt me as well after seeing them lie about their career and paint a fake image of themselves online nothing like what they were like when they treated me badly though I gave them my heart and soul and helped them out when they needed it. It sounds like in your case maybe it was a co dependent relationship too and thatโs why itโs hard letting go.
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Post by NatureCriminal7896 on Aug 8, 2022 8:49:37 GMT
i don't think i can help you with this one. but in my opinion you should let this person go. don't keep searching for this person. if you blocked them move on.
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