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Post by butterflies2 on Feb 9, 2023 6:36:14 GMT
I still can’t watch his concerts and videos without getting mad, just audio, but can watch Janet fine and it breaks my heart. Anyone else that still struggles? Don’t judge me, I don’t feel anyone would understand at this point in time, but you guys, one of the saner mj boards out there. My friend told me he saw the victory tour in 84, and I tried watching it on YouTube and turned it off feeling abandoned and angry. I know he didn’t owe me shit, but still I feel it, and it’s mentally crippling, what a loss.
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Post by ghost on Feb 9, 2023 7:23:19 GMT
I think there's a chance you're misplacing your feelings of abandonment onto MJ. I get the sadness and the grief, I still have a heavy heart when I see certain pictures or videos of him. But you shouldn't feel angry about it. Nobody lost more on June 25th 2009 than MJ himself. He didn't want to die or to leave his children.
Have you tried talking to a professional?
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Post by butterflies2 on Feb 9, 2023 7:27:35 GMT
I think there's a chance you're misplacing your feelings of abandonment onto MJ. I get the sadness and the grief, I still have a heavy heart when I see certain pictures or videos of him. But you shouldn't feel angry about it. Nobody lost more on June 25th 2009 than MJ himself. He didn't want to die or to leave his children. Have you tried talking to a professional? I did and have been doing great the past few years, but lately felt I’m having a setback, and know this speaks more to my bpd tendencies.
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Post by ghost on Feb 9, 2023 7:41:49 GMT
I think there's a chance you're misplacing your feelings of abandonment onto MJ. I get the sadness and the grief, I still have a heavy heart when I see certain pictures or videos of him. But you shouldn't feel angry about it. Nobody lost more on June 25th 2009 than MJ himself. He didn't want to die or to leave his children. Have you tried talking to a professional? I did and have been doing great the past few years, but lately felt I’m having a setback, and know this speaks more to my bpd tendencies. Abandonment is one of the seven stages of grief, but I think that ideally, in a healthy frame of mind, it's a stage you should've moved on from by now. How you feel is how you feel. My advice would be, don't beat yourself up about it but try to continue seeking help to enable you to let go of your anger, which is almost certainly misplaced. I wish all the best for you butterflies.
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Post by butterflies2 on Feb 9, 2023 7:44:19 GMT
I did and have been doing great the past few years, but lately felt I’m having a setback, and know this speaks more to my bpd tendencies. Abandonment is one of the seven stages of grief, but I think that ideally, in a healthy frame of mind, it's a stage you should've moved on from by now. How you feel is how you feel. My advice would be, don't beat yourself up about it but try to continue seeking help to enable you to let go of your anger, which is almost certainly misplaced. I wish all the best for you butterflies. It’s absolutely not the same type of grief as the beginning where there was mostly denial and sadness, more like anger has replaced that and I can’t let it go. I think the death of Lisa Marie retriggered something in me. Thanks for the well wishes
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Post by butterflies2 on Feb 9, 2023 22:08:38 GMT
Does anyone else feel similarly? I know it can’t be just me, I have faced rea life abandonment before and feel he chose propofol over his kids and fans sometimes, especially since in moonwalk book he reflected saying something about not wanting to let down fans
Sorry if it’s offensive or anything like that. I just want support outside of therapy, and y’all are a good group
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Post by NatureCriminal7896 on Feb 9, 2023 23:51:20 GMT
every fan is different and grief is different went it comes to different people. you not only person who feels this way. some fans can't watch or listen to Michael.
i would say i'm am upset that MJ died. especially with all the stuff that been happening since he passed.
he should still be here with us, his family, and kids.
i can watch and listen to Michael but i won't say there are times when i'm disappointed. when he passed away it was worst but i have move pass it.
maybe one day this will happen to you. if not that's okay.
keep in mind it wasn't Michael fault he wanted to sleep. he just had a disorder that made it harder for him to sleep. also the people he had around him wasn't better either.
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Post by butterflies2 on Feb 9, 2023 23:57:50 GMT
Yes it was mainly the doctors fault, but feel Michael was enabled by past doctors who gave it to him too and was probably stubborn about wanting to sleep so he could perform and please fans and critics alike. I think it hurts I wasn’t able to show him how much I love him
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Post by Russg on Feb 10, 2023 7:27:40 GMT
Does anyone else feel similarly? I know it can’t be just me, I have faced rea life abandonment before and feel he chose propofol over his kids and fans sometimes, especially since in moonwalk book he reflected saying something about not wanting to let down fans Sorry if it’s offensive or anything like that. I just want support outside of therapy, and y’all are a good group I dont know if its fair to necessarily say he chose propafol over his kids/fans. Was he playing Russian roulette with his life? Well, only in the hands of a criminally negligent doctor. As is always the case with MJ, he put too much trust in the hands of someone who didn't care about him. If he's guilty of anything, it's in being a shocking judge of character. I never got mad at Mike for dying. I got depressed about it, angry that it happened to him, but in some weird way, I was also relieved for him. He had endured so much in his life and relied on so many things to prop him up and I honestly don't know if things were ever going to improve for him.
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Post by butterflies2 on Feb 10, 2023 7:36:00 GMT
Does anyone else feel similarly? I know it can’t be just me, I have faced rea life abandonment before and feel he chose propofol over his kids and fans sometimes, especially since in moonwalk book he reflected saying something about not wanting to let down fans Sorry if it’s offensive or anything like that. I just want support outside of therapy, and y’all are a good group I dont know if its fair to necessarily say he chose propafol over his kids/fans. Was he playing Russian roulette with his life? Well, only in the hands of a criminally negligent doctor. As is always the case with MJ, he put too much trust in the hands of someone who didn't care about him. If he's guilty of anything, it's in being a shocking judge of character. I never got mad at Mike for dying. I got depressed about it, angry that it happened to him, but in some weird way, I was also relieved for him. He had endured so much in his life and relied on so many things to prop him up and I honestly don't know if things were ever going to improve for him. I’m also angry with all those who screwed him over in life and death, but for some reason blaming him unconsciously takes a burden off me for grieving though I don’t want to feel this way. When he was alive I had so much compassion for him and strongly believed he was going to be ok, come out on top and I would see or meet him, I had this is it tickets. I was going through a lot of things that time and his death was the final straw when I was already having a breakdown that time, I used to actually feel guilty for being alive while he was dead instead of surviving. It made me question my belief in god too for him dying in such an unjust way. Now I tend to either be really mad or really full of hyper love and it fluctuates like black and white. I know I sound crazy, but I really cared for him like he was family, and he still left us I want to be ok, but it’s so hard to be present when the anger is so deeply embedded in me, I’m trying to move on and still remain a fan, but I don’t know how to do it without feeling left behind. I think if I go to forest lawn I’ll get the closure I need, but after that I’ll look for the next thing and don’t want this to continue taking over my life, cause it’s a good one, but I can’t perform to my highest potential yet cause of this. I want to work full time with benefits instead of working lots of hours casually when I feel like it mentally, and I want a life partner, but I’m stuck on losing mj though a lot of things about my life are really good at the same time
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Post by russtcb on Feb 10, 2023 20:57:53 GMT
I've spent a significant amount of time being mad over what he had to deal with while he was here. I've never been mad at him for passing away though.
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Post by butterflies2 on Feb 10, 2023 21:17:27 GMT
I've spent a significant amount of time being mad over what he had to deal with while he was here. I've never been mad at him for passing away though. I think I’m mad we’re left with the caricature and the real man is gone 😢
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Post by russtcb on Feb 11, 2023 0:22:05 GMT
I've spent a significant amount of time being mad over what he had to deal with while he was here. I've never been mad at him for passing away though. I think I’m mad we’re left with the caricature and the real man is gone 😢 Of course I'm wildly upset that the man himself is gone, but I'm not mad at him for passing away.
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Post by butterflies2 on Feb 11, 2023 1:17:48 GMT
I think I’m mad we’re left with the caricature and the real man is gone 😢 Of course I'm wildly upset that the man himself is gone, but I'm not mad at him for passing away. I know it has more to do with me than him, feeling an empty vacancy or left behind, I know I’m being irrational cause of my bpd and none of what I’m feeling is his fault.
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Post by russtcb on Feb 11, 2023 16:20:08 GMT
Of course I'm wildly upset that the man himself is gone, but I'm not mad at him for passing away. I know it has more to do with me than him, feeling an empty vacancy or left behind, I know I’m being irrational cause of my bpd and none of what I’m feeling is his fault. I hear ya. I wasn't trying to be mean or anything. I do understand feeling something and not really understanding it or it not making sense. I mean, you're talking to a person who watched that clip of Michael saving a bug the other day and broke down in tears. I've seen that clip 1000 times but for some reason, it just triggered me and I was sitting on my couch as a grown man of almost 50 years old, ugly crying because Michael was just so kind.
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