Seven
Wondering Who
Posts: 75
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Post by Seven on Oct 28, 2022 19:14:55 GMT
I recently got back into MJ after a number of years. I was initially interested back in 2007, developing a full-on obsession. I joined a different MJ forum back then, but saw fit to start anew. After his death, my fixation had just kind of naturally tapered out after a couple years, and then LN was released. I still believed it was a cashgrab, eventually I watched it and felt conflicted. Having once been a minor in a relationship with an adult, it confused me. I didn't go on an open smear campaign, but I did just kind of avoid his music up until recently.
I'm all in again. I don't believe a word of LN, and since I've grown and gained new perspectives and experiences, I find myself just being very sad over Michael's life and death. As a teenager, I listened to his music with a superficial understanding of the motivations behind his lyrics in HIStory, I was angry at tabloids and interviewers for being so invasive. Since recognizing my own trauma, I think I've been able to sympathize more with him and his emotions on a more meaningful level. I've read information, seen videos and photos that weren't available back when I was originally a fan, and it's given me a new understanding that I definitely didn't have before. I've found myself missing him, not because I want more music per se, but just missing him as a person that exists. I definitely placed him on a pedestal above human-ness when I was a teen, as many people did and undoubtedly still do today. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been contending with the attention he got and the negativity he had to deal with. I would have been terrified constantly. His family and the world did him a real disservice. I could go on, but my main point is just that I'm sad. |
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Post by moonstreet on Nov 10, 2022 17:34:59 GMT
I know I am an anomaly in the fan community. After 2010 I stopped listening to music and watching footage. I know many fans found comfort in his voice and watching him sing, dance, talk. But I cant. I did go to the TII premieres in London, and I did go to the Official Exhibition in London in 2010 but they were too much for me. I decided after the exhibition I just couldnt any more. The final thing was the release of that album in 2010. I have never heard any of the songs that have been leaked or officially released after 2009. I have not been to any of the shows, I have not bought any official posthumous merchandise. I have been to a few of Brad Sundbergs seminars but each time it has set me back in my mental health and taken me a long time to recover.
In the first few years I would feel physically nauseous if I heard songs on the radio or TV or in shops etc. But now I can block it out. A few years ago in the online community when I spoke about not listening to the music I was told I was not a real fan and asked why was I in the community. I have also been told I am not a real fan as I dont participate in the fan campaigns. I have also received huge backlash in the fan community since 2009 for sharing my experiences about travelling to see Michael.
In the last few years I am in a better place and I never left the fan community, I just watched from the sidelines as everything imploded.
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Post by MattyJam on Nov 10, 2022 17:39:00 GMT
I know I am an anomaly in the fan community. After 2010 I stopped listening to music and watching footage. I know many fans found comfort in his voice and watching him sing, dance, talk. But I cant. I did go to the TII premieres in London, and I did go to the Official Exhibition in London in 2010 but they were too much for me. I decided after the exhibition I just couldnt any more. The final thing was the release of that album in 2010. I have never heard any of the songs that have been leaked or officially released after 2009. I have not been to any of the shows, I have not bought any official posthumous merchandise. I have been to a few of Brad Sundbergs seminars but each time it has set me back in my mental health and taken me a long time to recover. In the first few years I would feel physically nauseous if I heard songs on the radio or TV or in shops etc. But now I can block it out. A few years ago in the online community when I spoke about not listening to the music I was told I was not a real fan and asked why was I in the community. I have also been told I am not a real fan as I dont participate in the fan campaigns. I have also received huge backlash in the fan community since 2009 for sharing my experiences about travelling to see Michael. In the last few years I am in a better place and I never left the fan community, I just watched from the sidelines as everything imploded. We're all different and that's okay. I'm glad you're in a better place these days. Do you listen to Michael now? |
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Post by moonstreet on Nov 10, 2022 17:46:49 GMT
Thank you and no. If Im out and about and hear I song , usually I'm ok and at Forest Lawn when everyone is playing music, I just block it out. If I come across footage of an event or concert I was at, I skim through with the sound off to see if I can find me. I keep up with news and whats going on, but now when I listen to Spotify none of my playlists have any Michael music and I would never just go to YouTube to find something to watch or put on a DVD.
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Post by MattyJam on Nov 10, 2022 17:54:39 GMT
Thank you and no. If Im out and about and hear I song , usually I'm ok and at Forest Lawn when everyone is playing music, I just block it out. If I come across footage of an event or concert I was at, I skim through with the sound off to see if I can find me. I keep up with news and whats going on, but now when I listen to Spotify none of my playlists have any Michael music and I would never just go to YouTube to find something to watch or put on a DVD. Don't you miss it? |
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Post by moonstreet on Nov 10, 2022 18:11:16 GMT
Thank you and no. If Im out and about and hear I song , usually I'm ok and at Forest Lawn when everyone is playing music, I just block it out. If I come across footage of an event or concert I was at, I skim through with the sound off to see if I can find me. I keep up with news and whats going on, but now when I listen to Spotify none of my playlists have any Michael music and I would never just go to YouTube to find something to watch or put on a DVD. Don't you miss it? I miss the happiness it brought me. The music is the soundtrack of my life, from when I was a young child. Each song, each era from Thriller onwards was part of my life, there was a song for any mood or event, when I going through bad times or good times, Michaels voice and the music was what I turned to. When I lost Michael, I lost me in a way. Now each song, each bit of footage is just a reminder that he is gone. Its easier just to remove that trigger, so that I can function on a day to day basis. |
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Post by HIStoric on Nov 10, 2022 23:57:58 GMT
I miss the happiness it brought me. The music is the soundtrack of my life, from when I was a young child. Each song, each era from Thriller onwards was part of my life, there was a song for any mood or event, when I going through bad times or good times, Michaels voice and the music was what I turned to. When I lost Michael, I lost me in a way. Now each song, each bit of footage is just a reminder that he is gone. Its easier just to remove that trigger, so that I can function on a day to day basis. Have you considered discussing this with a therapist? It might take some time and work but it could help you be able to listen to his music again or at least come to terms with his death better. |
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Post by moonstreet on Nov 11, 2022 6:34:42 GMT
Have you considered discussing this with a therapist? It might take some time and work but it could help you be able to listen to his music again or at least come to terms with his death better. Hi, thanks, yes I have and there are are other factors, outside of Michael.  |
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Post by HIStoric on Nov 11, 2022 8:20:44 GMT
Have you considered discussing this with a therapist? It might take some time and work but it could help you be able to listen to his music again or at least come to terms with his death better. Hi, thanks, yes I have and there are are other factors, outside of Michael. Cool, was just wondering Best of luck to you! |
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Post by aazzaabb on Nov 12, 2022 13:30:42 GMT
I miss the happiness it brought me. The music is the soundtrack of my life, from when I was a young child. Each song, each era from Thriller onwards was part of my life, there was a song for any mood or event, when I going through bad times or good times, Michaels voice and the music was what I turned to. When I lost Michael, I lost me in a way. Now each song, each bit of footage is just a reminder that he is gone. Its easier just to remove that trigger, so that I can function on a day to day basis. Maybe this Thriller40 campaign could be a chance to slowly begin listening to his music again? Given that you became a fan during Thriller this could be a nice little full circle moment. The Thriller album, a few new/unreleased songs and the short films in 4K. You could literally just stick to that for now? It might do you the world of good. I know you met MJ many times so it’s even harder to let go but he’d want you to be happy and enjoying his work. |
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Post by LindavG on Nov 16, 2022 5:27:46 GMT
I left the fandom for a few years but I recently started getting back in to Michael again. It's nice to see so many of you guys are still around |
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TonyR
The Legend Continues
Posts: 8,489 
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Post by TonyR on Nov 16, 2022 6:16:12 GMT
I left the fandom for a few years but I recently started getting back in to Michael again. It's nice to see so many of you guys are still around Hey Linda! I remember you. Welcome back |
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Post by respect77 on Nov 16, 2022 6:26:30 GMT
Welcome back, Linda.
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Post by MattyJam on Nov 16, 2022 7:59:53 GMT
I left the fandom for a few years but I recently started getting back in to Michael again. It's nice to see so many of you guys are still around Where did you go??  Welcome back. |
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Post by HIStoric on Nov 16, 2022 8:36:55 GMT
I left the fandom for a few years but I recently started getting back in to Michael again. It's nice to see so many of you guys are still around Hey Linda! I remember you. Welcome back Same here! Good to see you again |
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